Once upon a time, when we were just two, things didn’t seem to get quite as filthy as they do now. Perhaps that is to be expected as we had much less stuff. Our wasted days were spent at work and misspent nights partying long and hard: cleaning consisted of emptying overflowing ashtrays and tossing a liquor store’s worth of drained bottles in the bin. A quick pass with the vacuum and a pillow fluff here and there and things were restored ship-shape. Rinse and repeat.
Then we were three: early to bed, early to rise non-smoking section, what exactly is that stain types where Richard Scarry replaced the Sunday New York Times. One fine day we were four: inured to the litany of laundry and Lego underfoot, a small whirlwind proved that chaos theory comes in the form of misplaced Barbie accessories and frilly barrettes.
Now that we are sometimes five and a half, the logistics of domestic maintenance requires the steely nerve of a drill sergeant and a complete corps of army engineers to effect any reasonable change. Sadly, yours truly is in command of neither but we have out of sheer stubbornness, learned how to say no so that others may learn how.
The half in the complex equation above must be credited with a very large paw in creating a flotsam and jetsam of fur, twigs, and sticky bits that floats then clings to almost everything. We try and keep a clear line of sight above knee-level, for below there be monsters.
We cannot remember what a tidy house looks like. No matter how much we ask “What if the Queen comes to visit, what would she think?” – our pleas fall on deaf ears. Apparently no one irons anymore, nor do they dust. We suspect that they just move. “What does dirty look like to you?” – mud or mould, dingy or dim, greasy, creasy or caked on, rated X, fair or foul – We would love to see your vision…
For all those who are new readers to Across the Bored, some great entries and the guidelines for this fortnight’s challenge can be found here. Need more info or want to browse past themes? Have a look at HOW DOES THIS WORK.